I Quit (a good quit)

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a cycle in life where things are going smoothly and you feel like you've finally got a handle on (fill in the blank): parenting, work, home, family time, cleaning, mental wellness, school, exercise, getting a good night's sleep, etc.? You feel as if life has finally slowed down a bit and you can catch your breath...but wait, this is only for a moment and then EVERYTHING changes again!

This has totally been a season for myself. I felt as though I was trying to climb a mountain that kept growing, and in turn I was growing weary and oh so tired. I know I can't do everything on my own strength, but why do I keep trying to?

After the kids were in bed, I sat down to pick up where I left off reading in the book "The Emotionally Healthy Woman". My mind raced thinking of a thousand and one other things I should be doing. I tried to focus and prayed that God would calm all the noise and thoughts and overwhelming feelings. That is when all became silent and I read a powerful chapter that made me come to my senses!

The chapter was called Quit Overfunctioning.

"Overfunctioning is doing for others what they can and should do for themselves."

I was the problem! I needed

to quit overfunctioning.

There were statements that you check off if they describe you and I related to so many.

-moving in quickly to fix things

-it's easier to clean or do a job myself

-not trusting others to do as good a job as I can

-do what is asked of me even if I'm already overworked

-not asking for help because I don't want to be a burden

-like to be needed

I love the relation to the story of Mary and Martha, and how Martha is in overfunction mode. She's so busy cooking and cleaning but as it says in the book, "Martha confuses caring about someone, with having to take care of them". She complains to Jesus about Mary not helping her, and I can relate one hundred percent to this. How often I think I'm caring for my family, only to complain that I'm tired.

How often do I do things for my kids or others, when they can do it for themselves? In fact, by taking away their responsibility, they are becoming underfunctioners. It somehow became the unspoken responsibility of mine to do absolutely everything for my family, and in turn they are losing responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE if they Marie Kwondo'd their drawers, kept their clothes and rooms neat and tidy, but that is just not appropriate for their ages and for real life! There is a standard for sure, but also grace! Asking what is reasonable, and also not allowing myself to step in and make everything (in my mind) perfect. For example, when they clean up their toys, and things aren't exactly as I would put them, I won't interject, but see their progress and them taking responsibility!

Geri Scazzero says it best, "The lie that overfunctioning whispers in our ears is this: You are the only thing holding everything together. If you stop, things will fall apart. Actually, the opposite is true. The more we overfunction, the more others are demotivated to make changes. If we let go of our overfunctioning ways, God's work will prosper in them, in you, and ultimately, in many others. If we don't, we almost guarantee that those around us will remain in immaturity."

There are so many areas in life where we may overfunction, and this has really opened my eyes to where I may need to ask for help, or say no or delegate tasks, and also step back and TRUST in God.

"God doesn't want us to overfunction or underfunction. Rather, God invites us to take responsibility for our own lives and not be overresponsible for others."

This past week I have been seeing areas where I overfunction, and when I have stepped back, there has been a bit of chaos and things didn't go exactly as I thought (for example the kids putting their own clothes away - it's taking everything in me to not go organize that!), but we are taking little steps forward!

I hope you all have a great weekend!

xo,

Lindsay

#faith